Image by Kanmani Murali (10 years)
Your complete presence to your child benefits both you and your child!
When we offer our complete presence to our child, we create opportunities to connect with them at a deeper level. This presence from our side gives rise to a deep nourishing bond with them that could grow stronger over time. When we spend time with our child, we tend to learn simple yet valuable things from them like light-heartedness and cheerfulness. We start inviting love, peace, fun and happiness into our lives. When we are present with our child, they too feel loved and respected.
Now what do we mean by giving your complete presence to your child? Fundamentally, being present with your child means savouring the present moment you have at hand with them completely rather than mindlessly rushing through the day.
Let’s say you are playing with your child and you get a phone call. Have you noticed how you tend to get distracted and start talking on the mobile phone instead of playing with your child? Or when your child is talking to you, you tend to simply nod without fully comprehending what your child is telling you?
As adults, we are very often in a hurry to finish numerous tasks through the day. We have a rather long ‘to-do’ list as a parent, like putting our child to sleep, waking them, giving them a bath, feeding them, dropping them to school, getting their homework done etc. Alongside these responsibilities, we have our own personal ‘to-do’ lists that could include several work-related commitments as well.
Given the hectic lives we lead, we are rushing to finish scores of tasks and responsibilities through the day (and night!). In this chaotic rush, we miss being fully present with our child.
To quote Eckhart Tolle, the spiritual teacher, In today’s rush, we all think too much, seek too much, want too much, and forget about the joy of being. Remember, your presence is the best gift you can offer your child as well yourself.
How can you be more present with your child?
Here are some suggestions:
· Become aware of your ‘to-do’ list. Stop taking too much on your plate. Prioritise what needs to be done. There is a possibility that there are certain things on your ‘to-do’ list that can be delegated to others or just don’t need to be done at all. You can scan through your tasks frequently and see what can be eliminated or what can be prioritised. This can free up time for you to spend completely with your child.
· Declutter your time. This means you can stop doing things that you think are not adding value or those that can be eliminated / reduced. For instance, consider reducing your screen time. See if you can cut down on the time you spend talking on the phone, browsing the internet, socialising or shopping. By doing this, you can create time for yourself.
· While doing a task, be fully present to the task. Though multi-tasking helps on certain occasions, doing so may prevent you from being fully present with your child. For instance, while playing with your child, simply play. Avoid using your mobile phone or watching TV. Offer your complete presence to your child. Put away all your stress and other ‘to-do’s for that period of time.
· Take deep breaths and keep reminding yourself through self-talk, “I am here now, with my child.”
· When you are with your child, be more mindful about what you are focusing on. Let’s say you are giving your child a bath. Now, instead of rushing through the bath, you can pause and ask yourself, “Can my child and I enjoy the bathing time?” Here are couple of more examples. While making your child study, ask yourself, “Can we both enjoy our study time together, instead of focusing on finishing the chapter?”, or when you are feeding your child, ask yourself, “Can I enjoy while feeding my child, instead of focusing on getting them to finish the food?”
How does being present with your child benefit you?
By spending time with your child, you start valuing little things, have fun, relax, de-stress, and develop a carefree attitude. Children know how to live life fully and freely. You can enjoy with your child by doing simple and fun things like splashing water at each other in the rain, laughing over silly jokes, doing pretend play with them, playing peek-a-boo, or rolling on the grass together.
You can make many beautiful memories when you are with your child. I remember having had the most amazing time when my children would pretend to be my hairdresser and comb my hair and sit on my back as if I am a horse.
When we build connection with our child, sometimes we may end up sharing our problems with our child and they may even show how to solve problems in a simple and effective way. To give an example, I would often be confused about what to do in a situation, when my children would just say, “Mom, do what makes you feel good!”
The positive and carefree attitude of your child can help you relax because children teach us to be joyful by being in the now, by being themselves.
How does being present with your child benefit your child?
When you are fully present with your child, your child feels valued, loved, respected and heard. They learn to express freely when they feel listened to.
For instance, when your child is sharing about their day at school or about their feelings, and you listen to them intently with patience, your child feels valued and respected. With every single instance that you spend with your child, with complete attention, focus and with an intention to connect, you have actually invested that time to create a deep nourishing bond. The returns of this investment made by you will fetch returns in the long run for your child, when they would find a caring, loving, understanding, respectful friend in you. This would lead to your child feeling happier, more expressive and emotionally and physically safe.
In our busy day-to-day life, we very often wish to let go of our daily chores and to-dos and simply have fun. Interestingly, that’s also what all our kids want – have fun and feel valued and heard.
By being completely present with your child, you can feel joyful and relaxed, develop meaningful exchanges and deeper relationships with them. But the best part is you get to create many, many joyful moments that you can cherish together with your little one.
(Edited by Anupama Krishnakumar)
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Geeta B Bhansali
Geeta B Bhansali, has been practising therapy and healing, related to mind , body and emotions since 15 years. She is a Heal Your Life Workshop Leader certified by Heart Inspired, USA for over 6 years, and also accredited as Heal Your Life Coach and TeenPlayshop facilitator. She uses skills from Voice and Body movement, Play back Theatre, Theatre of Oppressed, Non violent Communication and Theta Healing while working with adults, children and youngsters.
Geeta believes that when we are aware of our own thoughts, emotions and energy, we create an environment where we all can thrive.
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